I'm not sure if I remember or if I forgot how to write. You won't see this and that's nice but I'll still always wonder and maybe probably yeah definitely long.
Distance away. That's probably what's best. Because I'm not even sure who I am anymore. Enmeshment with life with lovers and friends. And friends that I wish were lovers. And lovers that I wish were better at all. Unrequited waves. Circles and cycles and waves and wires. Connection to me to you back to me to them. Us. I wish I knew my brain's words by heart. I wish I could cry better. I wish you could cry at all. I wish my arms didn't tingle and my heart didn't inflate. Tie everything down with rubber bands. It's just nonsense at this point. But it's better than nothing. If that's even true. Sometimes I need this.
Everything all at once spinning. Things looked different a minute ago. I wish I could cry right now. I wish you were here and that you loved me and wanted to hold me like I want to be held. I wish I were better. I wish I were worse. I think I'll try to stop wishing. God I wish I could.
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