New year and my life is turning to shit.

Sometimes it's really hard to remember that I'm not a terrible person. Because we hurt people in the ways that we've been hurt and you hurt me in the ways I hurt you. And I hurt you in the ways that others have hurt me. And that's the hardest part. But I suppose it's just one more thing to add to the pile. Only this one is larger than the others. Because it's love and it's love for you, and it's self love for me. And now I just think of Manny and when he told me why he couldn't be with me. "I can't even love myself." Only it's different. Because I can love you more than I can love me. Because I don't have to live in your shell, just the ugly one I've created for myself. And I don't know how many times or ways I can tell you that I'm sorry. I only hope that you don't still think of baseball as a metaphor for life because three strikes, I guess I'm out.