What of Sharing Everything

I didn't mean to make you

the thing I was going to hold onto

while I allowed my own life
to swallow me whole
My head is still catching up
to the rest of my body
Which is funny
because I often feel
like my physical form
has been placed on the shelf
with the intent to gather dust

I think I was looking for something
to make this part feel new
To shake away the familiarity
Because the house I'm in
is a time machine
And this room felt so big
when it held my mania


Could you touch me deep enough
that I become a stranger again?
Hold me with so much intention
that I don't have to think about my own past
I'm so bored with knowing
exactly who I'm becoming

Were you laying your heart out
on a digital landscape or
am I just looking for meaning in every single thing?

Human as Architecture

There was a place inside my chest
where I was keeping nostalgia
for memories that never happened to me.
When the sadness of it hit me,
I bit off more than I could chew,
and I swallowed,
Hoping it would fill that space

There was a room inside my body
where it didn't hurt so much to feel.
I tried to stay there until the walls started talking
They said, "you are taking the easy way out"

I sometimes wonder
if I'll ever stop feeling like
I'm still growing into my own body
If my past will ever become linear
And if that would make it feel more real

I keep the lens on my memories soft,
so they don't swallow me
I keep my heart soft,
so it doesn't eat me alive
I'm building architecture within myself,
Walls that breathe my own name

Something for the Summer

I don't always remember

what it's like to be held

in arms that are not my own

But this is not a message of

loneliness

If I wanted to send ships

full of feelings

to your doorstep

I know that I could

So I don't

I am rediscovering a space

of warm pavement

where I don't cry

when I hear certain songs

I've been waiting to pull this from myself

I have grown

upward,

outward

Now I move to grow

inward

Doused in misguided optimism

Finding a space of comfort

existing as the heart

that beats inside of

the machine I was taught to fear

Where You Were // Where You Are // Where I Am

I let my body

speak stories

and hope that you are listening

I was looking for someone

like you

I like to let

white noise

run under my sides

and fill my hands heavy

until the world is 

no longer loud

Because I was searching

for a fragility

to match mine,

wondering where

in your body

you store my words

and what “forever”

does to your heart

when you told me

Thank you

For pulling from me

pieces of myself

I'd kept so hidden

I forgot they were even there  

Hella Normal Girl

Hella normal girl

They say I got maps

running under my skin

That's why my pulse

sounds the same

as my footsteps

That's why when

you press your ear to my chest

you'll hear the rustle

of every tree I've ever climbed

He said,

“Let me see

Let me see the marks

where you etched

love notes to yourself

to your lovers

to me

Let me feel the way

you hold yourself

when you know

you're doing okay”

I'm trying to find magic

in the breath of

my words

I'm trying to find

the breadcrumb trails

I left for myself

I'm trying to find myself home

They wanna be here for

my breakdown

They wanna see if

the stories are true

They wanna watch me

unstitch myself,

find my own way,

and sew me back up

so they can say

they did it too  

Nobody Loves Me Like I Love Me

The hand on my chest
is my own

I am reaching in,
flipping through pages,
and trying to find the right words
to make mine

I gave myself light
before you could

I know
that a fire burns inside of you
But I always draw my hand away
instead of kindling it

Sometimes the curve of
my shadow's spine
looks like
the first letter in the word, 'crutch'

I don't need your light
to find my way home

I never really left

Circles, Cycles, Waves, and Wires

Our feelings are

cyclical

They swim upstream

pumping blood

into our arms

and our hearts

You can say their names out loud

I promise I won’t laugh

We were both born

sacred and scared

Afraid to step into the sun

and learn to walk on land

Our emotions

evaporate

when we want to not worry

They form clouds

in our chests

next to where we keep

our secrets

They pour down

to form Rivers

Lakes

Puddles

where we can swim

Circling around each other

Just like you always imagined